Teaching Kids to Resolve Conflicts Peacefully

Teaching Kids to Resolve Conflicts Peacefully

"Violence in any form is a tragic expression of our unmet needs."-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D., founder for the Center for Nonviolent Communication

Anger can take many forms. Physical violence is the worst extreme of anger, which will always make a conflict worse. Conversely, the words and actions we choose when dealing with conflict have the power to resolve conflict and improve our interpersonal relationships in the long run. It's important to help our kids learn the key skills that they need for dealing with anger, which include choosing positive words and actions for peaceful conflict resolution.

Marshall Rosenberg, the author of Nonviolent Communication, suggests four key principles for peaceful conflict resolution: 1. Observe instead of judging or evaluating. 2. Identify and express your feelings. 3. Ask for things that enrich life. 4. Listen with empathy. Strive to incorporate these principles, along with the following tips, in your daily parenting, and start teaching your kids the right way to resolve conflicts.

Tips for:

all parents

• Be clear that you want your kids to grow up in ways in which they can stand up for themselves, stand up for what they believe, and resolve conflicts peacefully and well.

•  The major way kids resolve conflicts is by fighting. Find out more about how to help kids stop fighting and start becoming more productive with peaceful conflict resolution here.

• Help kids get out of the blame game. Blaming others only makes the conflict worse, not better.

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parents with children ages birth to 5

• Don't yell when young children upset you. Model how you want them to act. Set and enforce boundaries but do so in a way that's peaceful.

• Take a break when you're upset by your child's behavior. Explain that everyone needs a separate cooling off time before working things through together.

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parents with children ages 6-9

• Help kids identify what they're feeling. As kids become older, they can understand more complex feelings such as frustration, irritation, and worry.

• Don't be surprised if kids at this age can slip up and hit someone occasionally. Continue to be clear that hitting, or any type of aggressive behavior, is not acceptable.

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parents with children ages 10-15

• As kids go through puberty, they can become aggressive. Some slam doors. Others scream and swear. Explain that these are not acceptable behaviors.

•  Help young teens learn how to calm down. With puberty, some kids feel like their feelings are overwhelming. Help them to slug a pillow, jog around the block, or do the boxing portion of Wii Fit to help channel their angry energy.

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parents with children ages 16-18

• Talk about news stories where people resolve conflicts in positive ways. Happy News often has inspiring stories of how people are helping each other instead of hurting each other.

• At this age, older teenagers can seriously hurt someone if they haven't learned how to control their aggressive impulses. If your older teenager still acts aggressively, get professional help so that he or she can learn practical ways to diffuse anger in appropriate ways.

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